25 is a good number. In my head, it’s an even number. Although technically it’s not an even number, I’ve always thought as 5 as even number. I mean, we count money by 5s: 5, 10, 15, 20, 25…
I am just over half way through the 25th year of my life. I have lived just about a quarter of my life. That first quarter of my life is behind me, and I have trouble remembering a good bit of it. I guess that’s what happens when you have a concussion when you’re 13, then fall off the back of a truck when you’re 21.
Looking back at how my 25th year started, it’s been an odd one, so far. It started off with having back surgery less than 2 weeks after my birthday (which actually falls on a 25th). And thank god for that procedure. I’m so glad that I was able to have it done. I am not particularly happy that it had to happen. But I’m glad that the issue was taken care of, and I can now live a semi-normal life (come on, there’s nothing normal about my life).
This year has been filled with some interesting romantic and/or sexual encounters. It actually started about a year ago, after getting out of a 2ish-year relationship, and sort of started out as trying to fill a void. Literally. Then it turned into having these encounters for the experience, for the story. A couple of these encounters were genuine attempts at possibly starting a new relationship. The first one of these was a guy who was almost 5 years younger than me. And as time went on, that proved to be an issue. The next dude was only 3 years younger than me. This “relationship” (if you can even call it that) lasted a little bit longer. But his mental state proved to be an issue (dude was kinda bi-polar-ish). THEN I went on a date with a guy who was two years older than me. I thought, ok cool, this should work out, he’s older. We went out to dinner, drove around, just talking and listening to music, went back to his house and met his family and hung out some more. It was a really fun night and this dude and I really clicked. I texted with him a couple more times after that, then never heard from him again. It was then that I realized that it didn’t really matter how old a guy is, they’re all pretty bad at following through (either that, or I just suck as person. I hope that’s not the case).
Two weeks after that date was when I started dating Jared (you can read about him here). For about a month and a half, I was in relationship heaven. Even though our relationship never made it to the point where we said “I love you” to each other, I was so in love. He was my soulmate. Until he decided that the 6 year age difference was an issue. God that hurt so bad. After it ended, I was cool, or at least tried to be. It wasn’t until a couple weeks after it ended that it really hit me. I’ve just recently gotten over it. You know, maybe somewhere down the road, we’ll come back to each other, but for now, it’s completely over. It makes me sad to think about, but I can’t sit here in my bed and wallow in self-pity about it forever. So I’ve finally been able to move on, and continue to be my single, cynical self.
I am not religious and I am not very spiritual. But I am a firm believer one thing: everything happens for a reason. Totally. I’ve had all of these experiences, I’ve lived these 25 years. Everything that has happened in my life has happened for a reason and led me to where I am right now. For example, I recently interviewed for this really awesome job which would have had me making a minimum of 30k a year, I’d have insurance, and I’d easily be able to move back out of my parent’s house. However, I found out a few days ago that I did not get the job. Had I gotten that job, of course it would have been amazing, but I also wouldn’t have the badass haircut and new color that I have right now. I would have had to leave the Levee and all of my awesome new piano students that I’ve gotten in the last month. So I’m OK with not having gotten that job. I have awesome students, awesome hair, and I’m going to continue to be a poor musician, and love it. It all happened for a reason.
So here I am, closer to 26 than 25, and I’m fairly happy. Of course there are things that I’m still waiting on to happen. Like love, being financially stable, living on my own again. But I know that that everything happens for a reason, and these things will come and happen when they’re supposed to.
In the past couple of years, I’ve been learning that my life is not going to turn out the same way my parents’ lives have. My parents met when they were 19, were married by the time they were 24, and had a child (me!) three years later. I thought I had to go by their timeline. I thought I was failure when I was nearing 24 and the serious relationship that I had been in (and thought was going to lead to marriage) was falling apart. But I’ve been realizing that just because that’s how my parents’ lives turned out, doesn’t mean mine has to be a carbon copy. I’m also probably not going to have a “normal” 9 to 5 job, probably ever (unless I sell out and become a “real” teacher at a “real” school). My degree is in music and theatre; music and theatre kids are not normal. And I’m perfectly fine with that. It’s just taken some time to realize that I’m fine with it and that I’m probably not getting married so soon. IT WILL BE OK. And I’m ok with that.
I am 25. I have a job, a car, and a place to live. I am happy. Nothing’s perfect, but that’s to be expected. I will keep moving forward, continuing to better myself, better my quality of life, and have fun doing it. I will color and cut my hair the way I want it, I will get tattoos and piercings that I want, and I will surround myself by the people that I want. Every choice I make is made for a reason, whether I realize it or not. And that’s the way it should be.
In the meantime, I’m headed to St. Augustine to have one of the best weekends of my life. I’ll tell the Gentlemen you said hello.
