Something Big: Part Deux

It’s 11:30 on a Wednesday morning, I’m still lying in bed in my pajamas, listening to Mumford and Sons and Kings of Leon on my phone, and I can’t help but think about my Something Big and wonder what it’s supposed to be. My favorite Mumford and Sons song, “Hopeless Wanderer” came on, and it always gets me thinking about my Something Big. What is it going to be? What am I going to do? Who am I going to meet along the way? But the thought also occurred to me that I need to stop sitting (or in this case lying) on my ass and actually go do the Something Big. Whatever it is should just sort of come into being, right? Isn’t that how these sort of things happen? Nobody plans them, they just...happen. I never really planned on moving to South Georgia to start my piano teaching career, but things just fell into place and happened. 

I’ve always felt like there’s a big gap or disconnect between me and the rest of the world, between me and what I’m meant to do. I feel like it’s right there on the tip of my tongue, on the edge of where I’m standing, but I can’t quite grasp it. It’s pretty frustrating. Especially when I think about other people who are my age, maybe a couple years older or younger, doing amazing things with their lives. Lots of my friends are getting married and starting families, and here I am, renting a room from friends, sleeping next to my cat every night. Then I think about Marcus Mumford, of Mumford and Sons, and how he’s only a year and a month older than me and just won a Grammy for album of the year, while I taught a 15 year old how to play “Jar of Hearts” yesterday. Then there’s Lena Dunham, creator, writer, director, and star of my favorite show, “Girls”. She’s two years older than me and how many awards does she have under her belt? A good few. All I have is this blog, and you, the person reading it.

I’m sorry for doing this to you, though, making you read all my crap. I probably sound kind of whiny. But I write all of this for three reasons: first, to just get it out of my head, second, in hopes that someone may read it and be able to relate and possibly take something away from it, and third, so that maybe someone who has gone through what I’m going through can pipe up and give me some advice as to what I should be doing with my life. Anyone?

For those of you who don’t already know, I live in Albany, Georgia. This area is also known as Sowega, South West Georgia. I am so torn about this town. I love it and hate it at the same time. I love it because of the historical significance it holds for my family and me. My great-grandfather was mayor for several years and he and his sons, did a lot that helped make Albany the way it is today (in a good way, of course). He basically saved Albany and the surrounding areas from the Depression, and it was mostly because of Coca Cola. My family owned about 10 Coke bottling plants in the Sowega area. I am very proud to share the same name as my great-grandfather, and it’s a good name to have around here. I also love it because of my jobs. I work at a music school where we teach music lessons in a somewhat alternative way. It’s awesome. We always have a good time there. I also work as the stage manager for the Albany Symphony Orchestra. The work that I do with the ASO is perfect for me because it combines both my love for music and my love for the theatre into one. Both the music studio and the auditorium where the symphony plays are located downtown. They are both in great locations, and that’s the other thing I love about Albany, its downtown has the potential to be really awesome and I love the fact that I get to go down there every day. What I hate about Albany...well, it really comes down to the people. There’s so much negativity from the people who live here about living here, that it makes you hate living here too! I think many people in the area don’t realize how awesome downtown really is. They only hear about shootings and robberies and other bad things that happen just outside of downtown, and that deters them from enjoying the beautiful parts of the city. There’s not a whole lot of that bad stuff actually happening downtown. And if more people can see that, and see that downtown is fairly safe, then that will make the city that much more pleasant to be in. 

I say all of that to say this: I know that I’m probably not going to be much more than a piano teacher and stage manager staying here in Albany. I know that if I want to do Something Big, that I’ll probably have to go somewhere else to do it. I just hate the thought of leaving, of leaving my family, of leaving my jobs, of leaving the handful of good friends I’ve made here. Yet, I feel like I might soon outgrow this town. It feels bittersweet to say that, but it’s true. And to get super personal here, if I want to meet a decent guy to like date, and marry, and make babies with, I’m probably going to need to look elsewhere. So far, Albany has not proven to contain many serious prospects (look, I’m 25 and starting to have baby feels...I’m ready to get this show on the road, if you know what I mean). 

But I feel like I’m still stuck where I started, wondering what I am supposed to do with my life? What am I supposed to be, where am I supposed to go? I have all of these thoughts and ideas and dreams and then I get mad at myself for sitting on my ass just thinking about it and wondering about my life rather than getting up, going out, and doing it. Ugh. It’s frustrating and fairly exhausting. I just don’t know where to start. Any suggestions? Anyone? Hello?