I can feel it. It’s coming. And there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Yep, it’s that time of year again.
It’s my birthday.
Well, I’ve still got a week or so, but it’ll be here soon. What I’ve been realizing recently is that I’ve reached that point where birthdays have sort of stopped being something to be excited about, and become something that’s a little more…bittersweet. Yes, I suppose there is some excitement in the fact that I can celebrate with my family and friends, that I’ve survived to live another year. But then there’s the whole getting older thing. I’m going to be 26. I’m getting closer to my late 20s. Which means I’m getting closer to 30. OHMYGAH.
I’m very grateful for the 26 years that I’ve lived so far. I’ve had a very privileged life. I haven’t had to suffer through much (I mean, except for the back surgery thing last year, and my recent arrested-ness). But there are times where I feel like I don’t have much to show for those 26 years. There are times where I feel really down about the fact that I’ve had to move back home. I am so thankful that my parents have allowed for me to live in their home for free. As grateful as I am to them, I want to, and am trying to, get back on my feet. I’m in school again to earn a certificate so that I can become a video editor and hopefully make enough money to move out again, and possibly even to another city (Atlanta? Athens? NYC?).
Another thing that I’ve started to realize is that no matter how many good things happen, I’m almost always waiting for things to get better. I’m not sure if that’s a personality flaw of mine, or if that’s just a part of life. I’d always thought that when you get to a certain age, things just kind of fall into place. As I’ve gotten older, I feel like I’m still waiting for those things to fall into place, and it just seems to get further and further out of my grasp. I wish those expectations had never been put into my brain. I wish I had no expectations and could just be happy with whatever happens in my life.
Too late.
Again, I’ve lived a very privileged life. But I still feel insufficient. My generation was raised being told that we can do whatever we set our minds to. That if we finish high school, then finish college, we’ll then get a job worthy of our talents, that pays and has benefits. Then we’ll get married and have 2.5 children, a dog and a cat, and a giant house, and be happy. THAT’S WHAT WE ALL THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE “GROW UP”.
It’s all a lie.
Those were my expectations. Those are every Millennial’s expectations. That’s not necessarily what I want, but that’s what I expected to happen. All but about 10% of my generation has come to that sad realization. The realization that we were lied to. What we thought life was going to be like was just a fantasy that the Disney Channel sold to us.
Damn you 90s television.
So what do we do about it? I’m still trying to figure that part out. But I think the answer is just to live. To be the best person you can be. Do the best you can with your time and talents. Take chances and don’t always do what is expected of you. Go above and beyond what is expected of you. Take the bumpier road and shock the hell out of everyone when you turn out to be successful. When you have a bad day, eat some cookie dough and have a Netflix marathon all night, then get back to being awesome.
Basically, f*ck life expectations. Just f*ck ‘em.
I think that might be my new mantra. I’m going to get up every morning and say: EFF YOU EXPECTATIONS! And then commence the one woman dance party.
I’m definitely going to do that on February 25th.
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