Something Big

There’s something I’ve been wondering about for a while. I’ve always thought, and believed, that I’m supposed to do Something Big. Like something important. Something that will change the world in some way. I haven’t been able to figure out whether I have high expectations for my life or if I’m just living with delusions of grandeur. Or maybe this feeling of doing something so awesome that I gain recognition for it, is founded on reality of my future. I have no idea. But what I’ve been wondering is, is this a feeling, thought, or belief that most people have? Do most people live their lives thinking, “I know I’m supposed to do something that will make a difference in the world”? Or is that something only people like me, you know, people who think they might be the voice of their generation, or a voice of a generation, think?

The other day, I was looking back at my Xanga page. Do y’all remember Xanga? According to my last post on there, I left Xanga for MySpace (this was circa 2005/6 before Facebook was open to the public and before I had a college email address. If you were in high school, you had to be invited to Facebook. I never got invited. By the time I did get my college email, FaBo was open to all. Thanks Zuckerberg). Reading back through my old posts that were from my senior year of high school, I was like super serious about being a professional pianist. I had totally forgotten how passionate I was about it. I mean, it shouldn’t really surprise me, considering I now make a living teaching other kids how to play piano. But I wrote about how much I wanted to major in piano and how I was getting really upset that my piano teacher at the time was telling me I wasn’t gonna cut it as a piano major. He turned out to be right. But it all worked out in the end and I’m happy with how things turned out (even if I half-assed college, like I mentioned in my last post). The point of bringing all of this up is that I also wrote on my Xanga page that if I was able to get my music degree, that I thought I’d be able to do so many different things with it. That thought now seems debatable. However, I believed that with that degree, that I could fulfill my possible destiny of doing something important. 

“i feel like playing piano is the only thing i'm good at that might get me somewhere in life. there are so many things that i could do with a music/piano degree. but now i kind of feel like i'm gonna fall flat on my face and not be able to achieve this dream of mine to be on the stage.”

I wonder what my almost-18-year-old self would think of my almost-25-year-old self? Would she be happy or content with the fact that I’m teaching beginners and intermediate piano lessons to kids who only half care about it? Would she be excited that I ended up double majoring and still came away with a music degree? I’m pretty sure she’d be cool with the fact that I get to sleep until noon or later most days. Would she be OK with the fact that I’m living in boring-most-of-the-time south Georgia? I don’t think she could have ever foreseen that happening, but here I am. I wonder what she would say about the fact that I don’t claim to be a Christian anymore, or claim to be religious at all? It might break her heart. But again, here I am. And here I am still wanting, feeling, believing that I am supposed to do Something Big, that I’m going to do Something Big. Bigger than just writing a blog about my life and having a handful of people reading it. Bigger than just sitting at one of only two (count ‘em, TWO!) Starbucks in this town, writing said blog, and dreaming of the day that I get to do that Something Big. 

I feel like I’m on the verge of it. I feel like opportunities are starting to pop up for me that could lead to the Something Big. The other day, my brother and I, who together are the band LoveHate (you should find us on the Facebooks), recorded a couple of songs that we’ve been working on; one is a cover, but the other is an original that we co-wrote. It’s pretty exciting and rewarding to hear something that you've created coming out of the same speakers as artists that you love and admire. Who knows what will come of this? It could just be another thing to add to my “jack of all trades, master of none” list, as depressing as that sounds. Oooooooor, THIS could be my Something Big. I know my brother has this same Something Big syndrome, so that would work out nicely. That’s opportunity number one.

Opportunity number two isn’t so much an opportunity as it is a dream of mine. And I suppose it still runs along the same line as number one does, it just takes a different turn. Also I guess I’ve just been inspired by certain things that I’ve seen recently and something that I get to do in September. The other day I got to watch Mumford and Sons’ documentary, “Road to the Red Rocks”. For those of you who are not aware, I LOVE Mumford and Sons. LOVE. (And what's not to love about a band that just won a Grammy for Album of the Year?) So obviously I’m going to ingest everything I can about them. The film is about their 2012 “Gentlemen of the Road Tour”, where they do these little mini music festivals in nontraditional locations and venues, and they’ve invited artists that M&S personally likes to tour with them. It’s a pretty cool documentary. And these dudes get so into performing. Like they’re head banging and grinding with their banjos and upright basses. It looks kind of silly, until you realize that you’re head banging right along with them. I suppose part of this dream I have is that I want to be personally invited by M&S to play a tour with them, whether it’s with my brother or not. That would probably be like the ultimate experience. 

I also got to watch another music documentary that Mumford is a part of: “Big Easy Express”. This, now Grammy award winning, film is about three awesome folk rock/bluegrass bands, Mumford and Sons, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros (LOVE), and Old Crow Medicine Show, that ride on a train from San Francisco to New Orleans, making stops along the way to play awesome shows. Some alternate titles they could have used for this film could have been “Dirty Hippie Express”, mainly because of the non-showering Zeros, god love ‘em, or “A Passionate Musician’s Wet Dream”, because of the never ending jam sessions that happen on the train and off. It’s like, these guys would play a show, would walk off the stage playing, board the train playing, and continue to play until 5am when everyone would pass out until it was time to play another show. IT’S RIDICULOUS. But still something that I would love to be a part of. 

Well, I kind of do get to be a part of something like this, just on the other side of it. For my birthday, which is still 15 days away, my dad bought tickets for him, me, and one other person to go the 2013 “Gentlemen of the Road Tour” which just so happens to be making a stopover in St. Augustine, Florida, a mere 4 hours away from where I live. This show is going to feature Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros (omg), Those Darlins (whom I got to see in Athens 2 years ago, they’re crazy awesome), Fun. (a band whose music frequents my piano lessons, and just won 2 Grammys), and of course, the Gentlemen themselves, MUMFORD AND SONS! I can’t even explain to you how excited I am about this! This trip is also going to include my awesome roommates, who also snagged up some tickets, and hopefully an awesome reunion with a friend I haven’t seen in about 13 years. Yeah. I’m so ridiculously stoked about this opportunity. Wouldn’t it be amazing to get the chance to meet one or some of the aforementioned performers? That’s the other part of my dream. To meet either one of the Zeros or Mumford or any one of the Sons. To make a connection. To make it on the line up of the 2014 Gentlemen tour. That’s what I’d call Something Big. It’s what I’ve been dreaming about for the past couple of days. And I’m sure I’ll continue to have that dream for the next 7 months.

Happy early birthday to me!

First things first, I’ve gotta get in shape for the show. There will be a lot of walking, a lot of standing, possibly some running to grab the best spot for the show, and possibly some jumping up and down in excitement. I gotta train. Has anybody ever done this? Train so that they could go to, survive, and enjoy a music festival? It sounds pretty silly. But having spent half of last year doing physical therapy, and having chronic back pain, I know it’s something I gotta do. Having a goal will definitely help. Knowing that there’s a deadline and an ultimate goal will totally help with the motivation, which is the hardest part.

So I'm gonna go work on my Something Big. Do you think you're meant to do Something Big? If so, figure it out and go do it!

Below, I have compiled some videos and pictures of the things and people I have mentioned in this post. You should go check them out!

This is a video of Mumford and Sons performing my favorite song of theirs at Bonnaroo. If you've ever wondered where the title of my blog came from, here it is. I'm hoping that my next big tattoo will be the lyrics of this song on the inside of my forearm. Also, I wonder, if I wore a bandana as a headband and played piano like this dude does, would I look that cool? 

This is a clip from "Big Easy Express". If, after watching this performance, you don't wish you could have been there for this, then there is something wrong with you. Stuff like this gets me so amped! 

This probably my favorite Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros song right now. Ironically enough. 

This is Jessi Darlin of Those Darlins, she's insane, but awesome.

Those Darlins, in all their hairy-underarm-feminist glory.